27 months!!

It is time for me to do an update on Amara. I feel like this last month has been full of so many new behaviors, sayings, emotions, and looks on her part. It has been pretty much the coolest thing ever to watch. We are praising God for her good health, carrying on conversations with actual sentences ( well, small sentences), getting lots of kisses from her without asking, and watching her a lot when she isn't looking. We are just soaking every bit of it up!!!

Some of our FAVORITE things that she is saying right now....I am not making any of this up!

"Come on, mommy!"
Oooooh, come on daddy..." ( as in "come on.... why don't you want to play?")
"I riiiiiiight back."
"awwww, thats's cute!"
"You okay?"
"mommy, I happy" ( that one is my favorite, and makes me want to cry happy tears every. single. time)
"what happened?"
"I okay!"
"It's warm." ( referring to food)
"It's cold outside."
"I likey shoes, socks, hair, bracelet,etc."
"You look pretty mommy!"
"Clean up...everybody share!" ( her attempt to sing the "cleanup" song..."clean up clean up, everybody do your share.")
"Daddy sing Toby!" ( referring to who daddy sings with)
"hmmmmm" as she taps her finger on her lips
" I love you too"
"Its baleeeeew" (blue)
" I see baby quick" ( when she wants to go see a random strangers baby and kiss it on the head)
"Awww, thank you!" as she bows after strumming a guitar or singing in her microphone

I am just so overwhelmed with how much she is learning and taking in. I am impressed with her social skills these days. She is so friendly and loves to talk :) I love her sensitive heart, her joyful spirit, and so much more. My cup is continually overflowing, and I am just so humbled by God's grace for me as a mom. I make mistakes every day, but I am so thankful that I am not doing this alone. I have an amazing husband also that puts in the time as a dad. We love those little moments that show us that the day of stress yesterday or the moment of correcting Amara and watching tears fall .....its all worth it when we see her sweet behavior come pouring out.

As, I end this post.....I just looked over to my left to see Amara pick up her baby doll and say "Hi baby,  I hold you?" Then, she proceeded to rock it and sing "God loves you, Amen!"

Thank you Lord....You are SO good!!

Savoring

I just randomly came across an IG account today of a woman of four children, one of which was taken at the age of 2. I honestly couldn't even tell you what the cause of death was for this precious baby because I couldn't make it through her pics far back enough to possibly find out. Midway through, I had to retreat to my closet to just have a good cry. I just couldn't imagine, but at the same time..... I feel like I can feel that knot in my stomach the best that I can without having actually suffered the loss. Does that make sense?

 Today, I got to take MY two year old to lunch, then the park, then kiss her to sleep for her nap time. I have a lot of days where I just wonder WHY I get to be the one to hold on to my baby just a little bit longer?? I hate how emotional becoming a mom has made me ( although I was pretty emotional before), but I am so glad for the reality it keeps me living in. I have many gifts. The gift of Amara herself, the gift of motherhood, the gift of TRULY getting to understand the meaning of "love" as best as I can on Earth. Ya know, "love"....the REAL kind that God talks about. It makes me so aware of how much God loves ME. Becoming a parent will really do that to you I believe.

Church has been such a lifeline for me in the last year. I am 28 years old, and I would say that I am finally beginning to understand what it means to "cling to Jesus". I am not perfect by any means, but I do know that I need Him desperately. I am not here to tell you what to believe, but I DO believe that there is a God that loves you, a Savior who DIED for YOU, and a place in Heaven for you if you would receive it. I know this is a heavier post for me, but I am just overwhelmed today with how much love I have been shown my whole life. I look at my whole family right now, and thank God that I could pick up the phone and call them if I wanted to hear their voices. That is a great feeling to feel around the holidays. This post isn't to make anyone who has lost someone feel worse, but for me to say to you that I hear your story, and want to love well because of it. I don't know what God holds for my life in the years to come, but right now I am savoring.

Hug your loved ones extra hard ( every day!)
Blessings....

Happy Birthday Amara Claire!!

Amara,

 Baby girl.....you are turning TWO today! Technically you become a toddler today around 11:35 am, but I am still going to call you my baby. This birthday is an emotional one for mommy because not only are you older, you are acting older. You have grabbed your independence by the horns and run with it. Still, you asking mommy or daddy for "help" is something I won't tire from anytime soon. I promise you that! It is mixed emotion though. The only part that is "sad" is that I can't just hold you in my arms 24/7 (selfishly). All the rest of my emotion is pure joy and happiness.

 Sure, there is a day set aside to celebrate your birth, but you need to know that I celebrate you...God celebrates you every. single. day. He and I have a lot of conversations about you...good ones too! He has big plans for you, ya know? I owe more than I could ever possibly give to Him for bringing you into our lives on such a sweet morning. If the way that I look at you is the way that He looks at us all, mommy is taking note! We are loooooved!!!! You have shown us how to look at people through YOUR eyes, how to love better, how to take moments out of our day to have tickle fights in bed ( because they are necessary), how to dance like nobody is watching, how a smile can change someone's entire mindset, how singing loud and off key can be a favorite sound just to name a few.

I literally have tears pouring down my face at this very moment. I am so overwhelmed, and cannot put this last year into words for some reason. I tried reading this aloud to daddy, and I couldn't make it past the second sentence.

You make us smile and laugh! You offer up great cuddles without us asking. You are helpful, loving, kind, funny, sweet, sassy, laid back, curious, pure, sensitive, trusting, adventurous and so much more.

We love you from the pit of our hearts! Thank you for two of the best years of our lives!!

Happy Birthday.....my baby!

 Love,

 Mommy ( and Daddy)

Here is Amara's 2nd year video ....

Praying baby

 I know as parents, we all brag on our children every chance we get. Just to be clear, this is not that moment that I am taking to do so. I have been told time and time again how much Amara will start to pick up from Gabe and I as she is inching closer to 2 years old. We all want our children to pick up our good habits, right? I watch her put on make-up with me while I get ready ( will that make her vain or insecure?) She repeats words that just come flying out of our mouths like "shoot" (will other mom's judge me or think its cute?) I watch her throw tantrums or whine ( is that just part of being a kid, or do I play into that when I do the same thing at 27?) 

All I am saying here is that you are always waiting for those little glimpses of sunshine in the midst of all of your cloudiness. I caught my glimpse the other day when I was unloading the dishwasher. Amara was just wandering around while watching tv, and she made her way to the dining room table and crawled up onto the bench ( quietly) and I look up and see her just sitting at the table. Her little feet were swinging, her hands were lightly drumming on the table top, and she had the biggest smile on her face! She was so extremely proud of herself for getting up on the bench. I think I said something like "Boots! You got up there all by yourself?!? Look at you, big girl!!" Then, I noticed she crossed her little hands together ( which we never do when we pray - we hold hands), and she began to bow her head and pray. Tears welled up in my eyes, and all I could do was take in the moment. I didn't care about grabbing a camera or making sure I got the perfect photo. I just wanted to sit there and watch my sweet little baby have a conversation with the Lord. She was just talking away!! I DID hear the words "pad pad" ( Ipad) and "Mimmie" ( Mickey). She is clearly thankful for those two things. Then, she raises her head and spreads her arms out as wide as they will go and shouts "Amen". 

BEST. MOMENT. EVER!

Gabe was gone, and I obviously wanted it on video eventually, so I kind of "encouraged" a reenactment and this is what we got!

Amara Praying from Jenni Patillo on Vimeo.

Sure, Gabe and I make an effort to pray before meals with her and every night before bed. It doesn't make us completely responsible for this. I ask the Lord every night to pursue Amara's heart and let it be open to what He has for her.....despite us. It was just a great moment for me to take time to say "thank you" to God for allowing her actions to play out what may be stirring in her heart at this young age.

Have a GREAT weekend everyone! I am so grateful for all of you! Love you ..... mean it!

xoxo jenni

Morning Silence

 I have NEVER been a morning person! When I was pregnant, people would always tell me " Well, get ready because when that baby gets here, you will never be able to sleep in!" The thing is....we put Amara down between 8 and 9 pm ( sometimes later if we are partying hard), so she sleeps pretty well into the morning. I have always just slept in until I heard her little voice waking me up. However, I recently woke up the other morning wide awake, and Amara was still sleeping. I took the time to make myself a cup of coffee, some breakfast and just relax. It is a great time to do my devotional for the day too. I just never make the effort to give myself that beautiful, SILENT time in the morning. I really want to try and adjust my schedule so that I can take that moment before my day starts to just "gear up" and move at my own slow pace. I love the smell of coffee. I love the sounds of making coffee.....all of that stuff that you don't hear when you have a husband, baby and dog running around. 

 Here is to my new morning silence! Jenni, just get your butt in bed earlier so you can give this to yourself. It is so worth it!! Some coffee ( pour over style) and yummy breakfast doesn't hurt. :)

My absolute favorite thing to eat for breakfast right now. I am sure I will tire of it soon! ;)

Enjoy your Tuesday!

Missing you...

 Today, we got to Skype with daddy while Amara was refusing to nap awake. I can't even begin to put into words how it makes me feel to see his face pop up on my computer screen......butterflies in my stomach. Not only do I get to feel that feeling just by seeing him, but I literally get teary - eyed watching Amara's eyes light up when she sees her "dada". Just before this little tour run, Gabe had a show here in town. It was the first time that Amara walked into the auditorium and noticed Gabe on stage right away, and pointed yelling "dada". I was so overwhelmed with joy because it is just ONE more way that she gets to see her daddy be AMAZING! One more way for him to take hold of her heart. One more way for him to be her everything.

 Amara actually "talked" today when Gabe asked her questions. Every other time that we have Skyped, she just sits, smiles, and stares. She showed him her newly painted toes, her hair bow, how she could walk in her rain boots. She laughed at his silly faces and voices.....I mean, it was just the best.

Babe,
  You are the earthly, core being of our family. I know it is lonely on the road at times, even surrounded by people. I get lonely here too. I miss you so much sometimes, my heart hurts!! I want you to know that there is such a void when you are away. It grows us and makes us strong, so that the times that we are blessed with are SO RICH!! We have spent more time apart than together as a family these last 7 months, but I love our crazy life. I know that a "smile can go a long way", and today, it did just that. It made my day to "see you"smile. I love the crap out of you!! ;) Amara and I are the luckiest!!!

Love you more,
J

I don't mean to complain, but I guess I am

 We are smack dab in the middle of Gabe's tour season right now. We knew we had a 3 month long haul ahead of us, but I gotta be honest.... I thought it would go so much faster than it has. It is so defeating to have a rough week with him gone and look up and realize you are barely half way through it. We will get back to having a full week together come April, but April still feels soooo far away!!

 There are plenty of days where I look at Amara and think " I have such an amazing child! She is so good and very pleasant to be around!" Then, there are those days where I just feel like I want to put her down and walk away for a few minutes...or hours....ok....days. These rare feelings don't always occur because she is behaving badly either. Sometimes I just want the consta knot that lives in my right shoulder blade to take a break from throbbing, or I want to fan myself until I quit sweating. Sometimes, I don't want to have to get her out of the car when I got in somewhere, but then again I don't want to end up on the local news..."baby left in car while mother shops in JoAnn's". I would never leave Amara in the car....let's be clear on that, but sometimes I just want a big, FAT break.

 When Gabe comes home, not only does he want to "rest", which involves me hanging with A, but he also wants family time, which involves me hanging with A, and he has to take writing sessions, which involves me hanging with A. Therefore, I truly feel like I never get a break to myself. Even when we have to drive separately to something, it is only natural that we assume that I will drive with Amara. I am sure other moms can relate that sometimes just that moment of being alone and turning up the music as loud as you want feels pretty dang good!

 All of this to say,  I don't want to be in a place where I am complaining or sounding unhappy every time I talk to my husband. It is the last thing he needs, and it has the ammo to strain our relationship. We barely get to talk when he is away as it is....don't want to fill that up with complaints. However, I have to be honest with myself sometimes and just say " I need a day off!!" I don't want a trip to the grocery store alone to be my outing every week. I want to go do something that is impossible to do with a toddler. Just as much as we need family time together, Amara also needs time with daddy alone. I would feel guilty taking a friend up on an offer to watch Amara without it being something that I HAD to do. I don't feel that way with my husband. Gabe and I are partners and we have each other's backs!!

 I am taking a "day off" on Thursday, and I honestly can't wait. I have an amazing husband, and great family that is more than helpful, but there is nothing like truly stepping away to reset and recharge! I know I can finish this tour off strong and happily!!

Thanks, as always, for reading!!

Breathe.....

I sometimes feel like I need to blog about a project or show noteworthy pictures, but then I realize that only 2 people read my blog....two of my besties and my blog was never intended to be a projects blog. So, today, I am just writing! I am in super good spirits because I woke up to a happy baby who went back down for her morning nap perfectly and the sun is shining. Forget that Amara spilled my freshly brewed cup of coffee all over the coffee table ( barely missing my laptop).... I just don't care!

Yesterday, daddy left and I was feeling a little un-optomistic about facing the day alone with a fussy baby, but that was YESTERDAY, and the Lord makes all things new in the morning huh? I feel like my head is in a MILLION places right now, and my memory is not serving me well these days! Yep, there babe, I said it! I actually had to go buy a little planner to sit on my kitchen counter so I would actually write stuff down, and it is there staring at me DAILY! Isn't she pretty....

 I just need to make better uses of my time and organize myself a little better. We are moving Amara's room into a larger room in our house, trying to set myself up an office ( I am desperate!!), Gabe is traveling a lot, I have a Thanksgiving dinner to host (gladly), a meeting here, a flu shot there, a dog that needs grooming...the list goes on. My list is no different than the next person's, however, I bet the next person can remember their child's flu shot before the morning of :)

All this to say, I just need to focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to create perfection in my everyday! It just isn't possible! I am really trying to learn to let go of the dusty baseboards and blinds, and tell myself that that doesn't have to be taken care of TODAY. A lot of times, I get overwhelmed and then I just shut down and don't do ANYTHING. Not. good.

So, today is my fresh start. I believe there is a balance in managing time better to accomplish more, but not killing myself over every little thing that didn't get done that day. Happy Friday everyone!! Do what makes you happy this weekend so that when Monday rolls around, you feel accomplished AND relaxed!

My most relaxing moment of the day.....mornings with my little love! I cherish them!

Sometimes you just gotta praise Him......

Tonight, we went out to eat with two of our DEAREST friends, neighbors and the other half of Arch Nemesiz...Dave and Deb! We celebrated the guys' FIRST song landing. E! picked it up for a reality show promo called "Kendra", and we couldn't be more thrilled for them! We went to J Alexander's and had a real niiiiiice meal ( say with a country twang ;)

Gabe and I personally just feel so stinkin blessed! I know that this was his vision for his writing career ( to make relationships that he may not have obtained without this pub deal, write great songs and through it all.....show the love of Christ) Our cup is over flowing with things to be thankful for! I am really seeing God work and watching the man I love grow so much in his craft, and that just makes my heart soooo happy! Thank you Lord for all you are teaching us and just revealing to us. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and I never want this feeling to leave me as I know that EVERYTHING I have ( not just material) is because of you. We know that daily life as a believer, married couple, soon to be parents is not possible without YOU.

I am alive.....i think

Ok, so I am back to feeling like normal again today. The last two days have been pure hell for me unfortunately. I know that sounds really dramatic, but i think my husband being out of town made it harder :(. My sister took good care of me and sat in the bed with me all night long. The real life saver were my new sea bands. I am styling and profiling now. I feel like I am walking around in an 80's workout video and Olivia Newton John's "Let's get Physical" keeps playing in my head.

50 degrees and dreaming!

It was gorgeous outside today! It completely changed my mood and helped me get out of my "prego funk!" It got me excited about Summer 2011. I came across this photo and it got me thinking of the many conversations Gabe and I have had about how much fun it will be to rent big beach homes with our friends and family and their children and have them "grow up" together! So fun to dream.....sigh.....

December....goodbye....January....HELLO BABY

   I have been slacking this month. I said I would blog at least two ( MAYBE 3) times a week. Yeeeaaaah.....this is the girl that avoids her phone at all costs, enjoys her alone time, and procrastinates. Hmmm.... Well, December came and went for the Patillos. We had an AMAZING holiday! It was SO amazing that I can hardly remember what happened! :) 




   On to January! The biggest, most fab news to date is that Gabe and I recently found out that we have a little one on the way! I am about 6 weeks along. I speak for both of us when I say....HOLY CRAP!!! We can't really believe that we are pregnant despite what the 8 pregnancy tests have said. We go to the doctor on Feb. 15th. It is so far off due to Gabe's touring schedule! He will be on the road when I start puking my brains out, but Sadie is here to hold my hair. 


   There are so many mixed emotions that come with this news. We are so excited and we enjoyed telling all of our close friends and family, but now we are back to reality and in saving mode AGAIN, and we just want to be able to be good providers and amazing parents. It is fun to spend our lunches watching kids interact with their parents  at restaurants as Gabe and I tell each other what we will and won't tolerate when we have kids. I won't say what those things are because I know that when I look into its eyes, it will make my heart melt and all of that will go out the window for a while!  Anyway....we got our first "baby item" from our dear friends Heath and Lori today! It felt good to take it and put it in a special place to rest for the next 9 months! Sadie thought the "toy" was her's of course! We are praying daily that God will let this little bean keep growing, and we truly couldn't be more grateful!!