Wednesday, November 20, 2013


I just randomly came across an IG account today of a woman of four children, one of which was taken at the age of 2. I honestly couldn't even tell you what the cause of death was for this precious baby because I couldn't make it through her pics far back enough to possibly find out. Midway through, I had to retreat to my closet to just have a good cry. I just couldn't imagine, but at the same time..... I feel like I can feel that knot in my stomach the best that I can without having actually suffered the loss. Does that make sense?

 Today, I got to take MY two year old to lunch, then the park, then kiss her to sleep for her nap time. I have a lot of days where I just wonder WHY I get to be the one to hold on to my baby just a little bit longer?? I hate how emotional becoming a mom has made me ( although I was pretty emotional before), but I am so glad for the reality it keeps me living in. I have many gifts. The gift of Amara herself, the gift of motherhood, the gift of TRULY getting to understand the meaning of "love" as best as I can on Earth. Ya know, "love"....the REAL kind that God talks about. It makes me so aware of how much God loves ME. Becoming a parent will really do that to you I believe.

Church has been such a lifeline for me in the last year. I am 28 years old, and I would say that I am finally beginning to understand what it means to "cling to Jesus". I am not perfect by any means, but I do know that I need Him desperately. I am not here to tell you what to believe, but I DO believe that there is a God that loves you, a Savior who DIED for YOU, and a place in Heaven for you if you would receive it. I know this is a heavier post for me, but I am just overwhelmed today with how much love I have been shown my whole life. I look at my whole family right now, and thank God that I could pick up the phone and call them if I wanted to hear their voices. That is a great feeling to feel around the holidays. This post isn't to make anyone who has lost someone feel worse, but for me to say to you that I hear your story, and want to love well because of it. I don't know what God holds for my life in the years to come, but right now I am savoring.

Hug your loved ones extra hard ( every day!)

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